Friday, August 1, 2008

Smart in a Stupid Way

Lily : Dude, you know what your problem is? You care too much.
Friend : Well Lily, your problem is that you don't care at all.

I don't care at all. I get that a lot. Why? Because I don't care too much, I don't seem to care and I don't care the way you do.

Well, since I live in Malaysia, being seventeen ain't so sweet.
all 17 year old have to deal with this thing called SPM. This SPM is a bloody examination who takes away all the fun of being seventeen. From what I see, most of my friends are stressed out. Freaking out. Worked out. and some are Fucked up. lmao. They are so worry. They are so scared. they are being freakingly serious. They are all about studying. Their mind is set only to study. It's like a one way street that leads to a place call "STUDY".

But my mind doesn't work like that.
My mind is not a one way street that leads to a place called "STUDY". My mind is a road with junctions which lead to many other places. There is a road which leads to "WRITING", another to "PLAY GUITAR" and "BLOGGING". Then there is "TRAVEL" and "PLAY GUITAR HERO". hehe. Not to forget "FAMILY" and "FRIENDS". Of course, there is "LOVE" and "DEPRESSION". Well, there is a road which leads to "STUDY". Yes, there is. Of course there is. But I don't go there all the time. There is a time to go there.
That is why people say I don't care. Because I don't care as much as they do. They see "care" as studying 24/7. Counting down days to the exam. Do maths exercise where ever you go. That is "care" to them. To me, that is "care too much". Well,forgive me but I can't do that. If I do that I'll go nuts. I do care but I don't care too much.

God created me differently.
He made me unique in my own way. Well, he made me lost concentration when I'm around people. How? Well, I can't study when there are people around me. In school especially. During lessons is different. I can easily understand what the teachers are saying. But if I want to read my Chemistry book and made a mind map in class, it's hard. I can't do that. Even if I do, it's just plain reading and writing. No understanding. I don't study around people. Honestly, I hate it so much when people ask me to go study. In class especially. People don't see me studying and I am not the type of person who like to show how good I am, how hardworking I am. That is not me. I'm different. So just because they don't see me studying they jump to a conclusion that I don't care. Because I don't seem to care.

So you see,
I'm not like any other people. I have my own way. I have my own life. Say whatever you want. I don't care. lol.I am fucking Seventeen.Yes,seventeen. My english teacher, Puan Azora was freaking right when she said that we should be having fun at seventeen.I want to go out and have fun. I have a life. Life just begin at 17. Come on people. There is so much more to life. Life isn't all about grades. Yes, grades are important. But then, there is a time to work on it. Not all the time. You know, I want to go study in America so bad. Some disagree and said they teach the same damn thing in Malaysia. It's all about the education. Well, too me the experience that matters. I want the experience of being in America. I want to see Avenged Sevenfold. Hell yeah. Being there. Feeling the California wind blowing. That is what I want. Many people want to study engineering od medicine, or whatever technical courses that is available. Why? Because everyone else is doing so. Because it is in critical need in the country. Because it pays good. Because Mom ask me to. While I just study English Literature. It's not in critical need. I'm not sure if it pays good. But it is my passion. My passion, not my Mom's or anyone else.I too want to become a Rocktar. I want to make good music and go on tour. The Vans Summer Warped your to be exact. Where 50 bands go on tour all over America during summer. Wicked! I want to buy a house for my Mama in Frazer's Hill and New Zealand. I want to show my little sis and bro that I am the best. Big dreams huh? But I have to work. and I do work. God knows how. See? I care a lot. I care more than anyone else. But I don't care the way you do.

Go our people.
There is more to life.
Let the sun shine on your skin.
You might not get to feel them tomorrow.

I'm Lily Cartina and I'm living my life.
It is the price that I pay
For being Smart in a Stupid way

2 screams:

WanHidayat said...

Aloha sis...

Your best entry ever...I never thought that u will be saying will make ppl out there think...this life is all about....u just firm with ur principle...but don't forget u still need the advice the one u trust...u need a proper will leads u to a better path...

bulan. said...

heck,i loved this!
and oh,u liar..u said u won't talk bout spm.but u did.well,kinda.