Attitude

With the Love

2011-11-03T11:09:00.000-07:00

Come here. Hear me crap about love.

My husband and I left our hometown and drove all the way to the metropolis with nothing but each other. We did not have a house and the streets of the metropolis sucks our cash like a sponge absorbs water. We had our bag packs,our car and each other. Oh, we had love. Lots of love.

With the love of friends,
we found shelter.
we get jobs.
and thankfully, endless helping hands.

With the love of family,
we receive blessings.
we hear prayers from far.
and to my shame, something to pay our meal.

With the love of two lovers,
we are happy.
we are content.
and often we dance even when it rains.

With the love of God,
we are still here.
we never get cold.
and most of all, we survive.

The Beatles were right all along.All you need is love.

Leaving Comfort Zone

2011-11-02T08:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Love,

I've got nothing but the clothes on my bag, a few dollar notes, and You.

Thank God for our friends,more like brothers, and our little Lola too.

There is nothing let for us at home my dear.

That is why we have to leave and come here.

Dear City,

For us, please have some mercy.

We meant no harm, just need a better place for our baby.

We are here to build a new life.

May Lord be with us, and help us survive.

Dear Love,

hold tight, keep steady and steer.

We can make it anywhere,

if we make it here.

Power Mother

2011-05-28T21:21:00.000-07:00

You may not be a supermodel,
but you are the most beautiful.

You may not e a wrestler,
but you are the strongest.

You may not be a counselor,
but you are the most understanding.

You may not be a nurse,
but you always heal my wounds.

You may not be a royalty,
but you are a Queen.

Devine Intervention

2011-04-26T03:58:00.000-07:00

Who deserves what,
is not for us to decide.

Never once in my life,
I thought of sleeping by your side.

Alhamdulillah.

Here comes the bride

2011-03-31T02:59:00.000-07:00

Hat,Shoes and Shoemaker Beau

2011-02-22T02:45:00.000-08:00

Listen.
Listen carefully.
Before to me you recite the word weak.
This is the first time I am going to see Shoemaker Beau.
All these while,I use my own needle and thread.

Look.
Look carefully.
If you are bout to call me the damsel in distress.
The torn hat and shoes full of holes,
from the rocky roads and the thorns are no less.

Think.
Think carefully.
When you are about to call me a self pity.
Lets exchange out hat and shoes for a day.
To see if stand strong and steady.

Ask.
Ask yourself carefully.
With worn out soles and holes in the hat.
will you still be smiling
or will you go mad?

Dealing with the beast

2011-02-19T05:41:00.000-08:00

Life itself is a wild beast.
We must have the greatest strength for the battle
and the smartest plan to tame the beast.

The King of Limbs

2011-02-19T05:24:00.000-08:00

Is out and about.
Download here.
No,this is not illegal.
Radiohead actually release their album in this format for their fans to download for free.
Thank you so much Mr.Yorke.
You will forever be my best friend.

Rebellions Attack!

2010-12-31T18:40:00.000-08:00

The authority might look up on you,
but the rebellions will bring you down.

Punk

2010-12-06T11:01:00.000-08:00

Call them useless, call then trash,
call them anything as you please.
But,
when they can still laugh while sleeping on the streets,
you and your big fat condo will be crying on your knees.

Call them useless, call them trash,
call them anything as you please.
But,
when they are out eating free leftovers,
you are consuming 99 dollars steak by the capitalist.

Mindfucked Authority

2010-12-04T23:07:00.001-08:00

Fuck IPTA!
for the DISCRIMINATION on the students from private colleges.

Fuck MPK!
for giving out parking tickets like there is tomorrow.

Fuck CAPITALISM!
for creating a big gap between the rich and the poor.

Fuck POLITICS!
for it is all about power and money, never about the people.

Fuck KETUANAN MELAYU!
for the racism and cronism it created.

Fuck DEMOCRACY!
for they never even existed over here.

Fuck ISA!
for the innocent people they have arrested without mercy.

Fuck the AUTHORITY!
for being so filthy and useless.

Fuck yeah ANARCHISM!
for we don't want any corrupted leaders to control us.

Begging for Democracy

2010-12-01T08:24:00.000-08:00

Yes, it is true,
we survive by eating from the plate of others.
how noble of them to share,
in a way we can't repay.

We are not being rude,
when we question the authority.
Not that we are being ungrateful,
we are just answering truthfully.

Are we really that filthy,
that we don't have the right towards democracy?
Although we are 'beggars',
are our voices really not worthy?

Seriously,
we are not a slaving corpse.
stop treating us like one

This leave me speechless

2010-11-26T04:06:00.000-08:00

He truly loves me.
Alhamdulillah.
Dear Allah, let me be his wife.

They will make Paramore look like a total loser.

2010-11-18T21:03:00.000-08:00

Reaching Hand

We Ride

The Distillers

All For Nothing

Last Minute

Dear Cookie

2010-11-13T23:51:00.000-08:00

I love you so much that when I think about it, it makes me cry.

His Absence

2010-11-07T07:04:00.000-08:00

If He is still here,
We will be in fear.
He will bring us together,
And we shall talk and hear.

If He is still here,
He will be in a bad mood.
For we are making a mountain,
out of a hill of mould.

If He is still here,
He will be having arson of anger.
With the same blood running through our veins,
We dare deny our brothers.

If He is still here,
He will listen with his heart.
Never fail to be fair and just,
Each of us gets a chance to be heard.

If He is still here,
If He will be swimming in tears,
We fail to respect each other,
and His castle is falling apart

Yours Faithfully

2010-10-25T09:44:00.000-07:00

There is no dream too big
or hope to small

Smile and have faith
you will make it through it all

Content

2010-09-11T15:13:00.000-07:00

Now that you are here,
there will not be a single tear.

Now that you are near,
the cup is half full my dear.

Beauty Discriminated

2010-08-01T05:46:00.000-07:00

Some starve to death,
in order to be thin.
Some vomit out,
until they are all bones and skin.

Stop the lies,
Stop discriminating beauty
Stop making girls feel worthless,
just because they don't look like Heidi

As a matter of fact,
no one does.
those so called beauty,
are mostly air brush.

Smile girls.
We are all beautiful.
Be happy girls.
We are all wonderful.
Don't be sad girls.
There is so much more to you.
You are most beautiful girls.
When you are sincerely you.

Ugly Beautiful

2010-05-15T01:18:00.001-07:00

I don't have long legs,
I don't have nice hair,
I don't have flawless body,
I don't have supermodel's beauty,
but I do have lots of love in me.

Journey for a Cookie

2010-03-04T02:35:00.000-08:00

It is not easy
to make a yummy cookie
The roads are quite long and winding
and can be very rocky

First I mix the ingredients
to make the perfect dough
Added a little too much flour
the cookie became hard to the core

But I was determined
didn't let go of the spatula
Added the eggs, butter, and flour in a bowl
I forgot, we were out of sugar

They say third time is a charm
Thus, I gave another go
Took a break to the loo for a second
A dirty cockroach crawled on my dough

Got the mixture right
Boy, I was so glad
But a dog knocked over the bowl
Spoil the dough and got me sad

Took a long deep breath
Prayed that God was with me
Shivers and tears gone in a blink
In my hand is my dear Cookie <3

Beauty of the Beholder

2010-02-26T05:17:00.000-08:00

You are a diamond that is buried deep within the ground

You feel lost and no where to be found

No one know that your worth is tremendous

No one notice that you are precious

But I do

I see you

Through the soil that covers your body

Lies such incredible beauty

Ramadan sayang, awak paling cantik.

Rainbow said "Hello!"

2010-02-24T11:45:00.000-08:00

The sun was playing hide and seek
The heat was strong but now it’s weak
I closed my eyes and bit my lips
Pearls of tears rolled on my cheeks

Tears were in my eyes,
Until I look up the sky.

There,the rainbow said "hello"
Paint my soul with red, purple and yellow
I am soak with rain, but I am no longer mellow.
Because the rainbow said "hello".

Sure it rained
Sure I was drenched
I was just a mess
But in the end, I figured out,
Everything was for the best

Too young to die

2009-12-29T23:51:00.000-08:00

Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan
Greatest Drummer Ever
Rest in Peace
1981 - 2009

Conquest

2009-12-29T22:42:00.000-08:00

A battle within
between presence and absence
Dear God, I lend me some patience

A battle within
between love and hatred
best friends that can never be parted

A battle within
between sound and insane
a lot to lose and gain

A battle within
between the heart and mind
And it is me that is losing

But I am a fighter who never losses a battle.

Quote of the Day #26

2009-12-03T08:08:00.000-08:00

"And never breath a word about your loss"

'If' Rudyard Kipling

Battle

2009-12-02T05:07:00.000-08:00

heads up

stand straight

move forward

fret not

enemies come

block ways

crook eyebrows

smug

chin up

be proud

tell them

"You are nothing. I have gone through worst."

Fulfill Requirement

2009-12-02T02:54:00.000-08:00

Said I wanted serenity
Serenity I gained
Unsatisfied, I wanted joy
I laughed with pride
Solitary, I hate
So they come in crowd
But there is still this hole
I am still unsatisfied
Because the truth is
I want you here
close and near
I shall ask for nothing more

Endure

2009-11-25T08:45:00.000-08:00

When the sun is gone
And the sky is grey
All I do is imagine you smiling
I tell myself “it’s okay”

I was left alone
To stand in the rain
Endure is my middle name
I shall go through the pain

Go, my dearest
Search for your soul
So that you can shine
As bright as gold

Quote of the Day #25

2009-11-25T08:32:00.000-08:00

"A poet is a rock star without the sex'n'drugs, or the rock'n'roll."

Simon Armitage

Quote of the Day #24

2009-11-07T21:54:00.000-08:00

"Kita begitu berbeda dalam semua, kecuali dalam cinta"

Puisi Cahaya Bulan

The Idiot Box

2009-11-03T20:34:00.001-08:00

So we went to a circus
The kid became freaked out
I became fucked up
with this stupid little stout.

“I want to see the flying elephant!”
Well, elephants can’t fly
“But I saw it on TV!!”
He stomped his feet and cried

*sigh*

Television
That is what they do
Television
Fuck your brain too soon

So mom and dad went out
A babysitter for the little stout
A crackhead who needs cash for weed
Getting stoned is all he needs

“Mummy look! I knock his head with a hammer!”
Mum screamed out of terror
“But I saw it on TV, Jerry knocked Tom’s head”
The babysitter is dead

Happy Aidilfitri =)

2009-09-28T20:55:00.000-07:00

Correction :
Happiest Aidilfitri.
*grins*

Kuantan Rocks

2009-09-11T02:19:00.000-07:00

Great bands, greater crowds, greatest friends.
Kuantan Rocks.
Nuff said.

Quote of the Day #23

2009-09-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

"Menyerahlah untuk Menang"

Ahmad Dhani

P/S: Dia seorang pemusik hebat.

OxyMoron

2009-09-08T07:39:00.000-07:00

There are times
you are too difficult

Some of the time
you are so impossible

Once upon a time
you are a little too despicable

But

Most of the time
you are just incredible

It's just you

2009-07-08T13:14:00.000-07:00

If you were a book,
you'll be written in French.
Explains why not many can read you.

If you were a subject,
you'll be literature.
Explains why not many understands you.

If you were a candy,
you'll be chocolate,
Explains why some may resent you.

But

French is a beautiful language,
I am willing to learn.

Literature has it's own deep soulful meaning
I am willing to dig.

Chocolate is just yummy,
so I don't care how any calories it contains, I can live with it.

It's just you.
and I like you.

P/S:Kau masih wangi walaupun kau kian jauh.

Rocking,Moshing,Freaking.

2009-07-01T10:59:00.001-07:00

It's not as big as Rock The World, but with all these friends around, it feels as if nothing else matters. Fucking awesome.

P/S: Kau tetap wangi walaupun berpeluh macam babi selepas main drum.

To those backstabbers out there

2009-06-22T04:26:00.000-07:00

Go ahead, stab my back.
There is a much greater power up above.
In time, He will give you what you deserve.

Go ahead, stab my back.
True, it hurts, it's agonizing.
But I am a fighter, you won't see me falling.

P/S: Kau kini kurang wangi.

Quote of the day #22

2009-06-20T15:42:00.000-07:00

"And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me wants to come back home"

John Vasely

Stand Strong

2009-06-19T04:53:00.000-07:00

Stand strong love
many are willing to see you fall

Stand strong love
you will make it through it all

Stand strong love
the pain will only last a while

Stand strong love
you can't let them see you cry

Stand strong love
God will lend you His might

Stand strong love
don't give up without a fight

Stand strong love
do it for those who are dear to you

Stand strong love
many are counting on you

P/S:Kau wangi dan kerana kau aku kuat.

I use to think it was a blatant lie

2009-06-18T11:11:00.000-07:00

To love is to let go.

I use to thought it was nonsense. Pure white lie. How can you leave someone you love?

You can.

When you know that they will be better off without you.

When you know that they deserve better than you do.

When you love them too much, that you are willing to sacrifice anything just so they can be happy.

When you love them sincerely, that you wont mind getting hurt(yes, it hurts so bad) as long as they wont hurt badly.

Yes, there is such thing as to love is to let go.

Yes, there is such thing as leaving someone because you love them too much.

I use to thought it was nonsense. Pure white lie. Until I fall in love with this one guy, but I have to say good bye.

P/S: Kau terlalu wangi dan aku boleh bau kau walaupun aku sudah jauh.

Poison

2009-06-17T12:53:00.000-07:00

Poison
Rush through my veins
Make it way to my brain
I go insane

Poison
Ouh so strong
Breaking my wall of strength
I'm not sure if I can live for long

Poison
Kills from the inside
The excruciating agony
From you, I try my best to hide

P/S: Kau sangat wangi dan kerana racun kau aku makin kuat saban hari.

From the Control Room

2009-06-16T11:40:00.000-07:00

From the Control Room,
at you I stare.
Hitting the drum so hard.
Thank God you didn't break the snare.

From the Control Room,
at you I adore.
That tense look you wore so funny.
Made me smile although the wound is still sore.

From the Control Room,
at you I cherish.
Felt love through the punk rock beat.
to you I took at oath, I shall never be selfish.

From the Control Room,
at you I smile.
Although I was choking so hard,
I will never stumble and cry.

P/S: Kau wangi dan main drum dengan hebat. Tetapi malam ini ciuman kau berperisa weed.

Quote of the Day #21

2009-06-11T11:22:00.000-07:00

You say "Hello", inside I'm screaming "I Love You"
Butch Walker

The Lost Rebel

2009-06-05T02:56:00.000-07:00

I am the Lost Rebel

I do what I want

I am the Lost Rebel

I listen to none

I am the Lost Rebel

I don't really care

I am the Lost Rebel

I don't mind if you stare

I am the Lost Rebel

The street is my home

I am the Lost Rebel

I do things on my own

I am the Lost Rebel

I stand on my own ground

I am the Lost Rebel

I am no where to be found

P/S: Lost bersame kau yang wangi.

Utter

2009-05-30T19:17:00.000-07:00

Your lips are locked.

Your heart is sealed.

but your beautiful eyes,

they speak.

Speaking phrases of grief.

What was it that instill that grief in you?

Was it something that I do?

P/S:Kau wangi amat.

Aku sayang kau tetapi jangan panggil aku sayang

2009-05-21T20:50:00.000-07:00

Jangan panggil aku sayang
Jika hanya mahu aku belanja kau makan

Jangan panggil aku sayang
Jika semua scandal kau sibuk dan kau mahu aku teman

Jangan panggil aku sayang
Jika hanya mahu tumpang kereta aku untuk pulang

Jangan panggil aku sayang
Jika panggilan itu bukan untuk aku seorang

Jangan panggil aku sayang
Jika bukan aku yang kau sayang

P/S: Aku bukan anak kecil. Jika mahu pertolongan, khabarkan sahaja. Kau masih wangi.

Just a Little Bit

2009-05-11T05:35:00.000-07:00

It could be a little bit
of feeling that I can't explain
It could be a little bit
of thing that make me go insane

It must be a little bit of
your smile that got me wild
It must be a little bit of
your eyes that makes me high

It sure is a little bit of
you that got me dreaming
It sure is a little bit of
you that I can't stop thinking

Could it be a little bit of
gift from the Lord above?
Could it be a little bit of
something that we call love?

P/S:Kau wangi.

Quote of the Day 20

2009-05-11T05:23:00.000-07:00

"Paper is more patient than man"
Anne Frank

Simpan dahulu khabarnya

2009-05-06T15:00:00.000-07:00

Berkaki ayam ke pantai, mendengar irama dialun oleh okestra semulajadi. Tiupan bayu malam, hentakan ombak, bersertakan siulan burung. Tidak aku hiraukan sepersalinan pakaian yang aku baru basuh, lantas aku berbaring di atas pasir pantai, mendongak ke langit, teruja ingin berjumpa para sahabat di atas sana. Para bintang.

Malangnya, para sahabat aku bersembunyi pada malam itu. Langit dibiarkan sendirian. Kosong. Seperti jiwa aku. Kosong. Lantas emosi menjadi tidak stabil. Rasa tidak kosong menghantui diri. Rasa ralat memenuhi diri. Kemudian Kau pula menghantar pesanan ringkan kepada telefon bimbit mengajar aku pulang. Aku yang masih merasa kosong serta hormon yang tidak stabil ini akur. Akan tetapi aku seolah-olah menjadi insan berbeza.

Kau bercanda di sisi aku, tetapi aku balas canda kau itu dengan "Diam". Dalam perjalanan ke kereta aku merapu. Belum habis aku merapu kau menarik aku ke dalam rangkul kau dan bertanyakan mengapa aku berkelakuan sebagitu. Situasi sama di dalam kereta. Aku masih merapu. Mengatakan bahawasanya aku merasa kosong. Bahawasanya aku mahu menjadi cantik kerana orang cantik walaupun perangai macam anjing tetap dipandang tinggi. Kau genggam tangan aku yang sedang memegang gear kereta sehingga sampai ke rumah kau. Seperti biasa aku salam cium tangan kau dan pipi kau. Sebelum kau berlalu pergi kau memohon maaf jika kau yang membuat aku manjadi tidak stabil. Jika kau membuat aku marah. AKu hanya mampu berkata "tidak. bukan kau."

Sampai di rumah, aku menghantar pesanan ringkas kepada kau. "Demi Tuhan aku tidak marah kau. Cuma tadi aku tiba-tiba merasa kosong kerana aku melihat langit kosong tanpa bintang."

Kau membalas
"Apa-apa pun, aku tahu kau marahkan aku. Aku tahu bahasa jiwa kau. Kata-kata kau di dalam kereta tadi untuk aku. Tidak kisah lah kau nak kata aku perasan atau apa. aku mohon maaf kepada kau."

Aku berfikir, mungkin benar bicara kau. Tetapi aku masih menafikannya.
"Sumpah bukan untuk kau. Tiada kena mengena dengan sesiapa."

Kau membalas
"Lihat mata kau pun aku sudah tahu. Tetapi kalau begitu tak mengapa lah"

Aku bingung.
"Nampak apa dalam mata?"

Kau membalas
"Seseorang yang kau sayang"

Aku berdebar. Apa mungkin kau tahu aku memendam perasaan untuk kau?
"Benar?"

Kau membalas
"ha'ah"

Menarik nafas panjang.
"Siapa?"

Kau membalas
"Setiap kali aku berada di hadapan kau, aku tenung mata kau dalam-dalam. Aku dapat lihat diri aku. Maaflah jika aku perasan."

Jadi benar kau tahu. Terkejut aku. Apa benar kau boleh lihat memalui mata aku? Apa benar memalui mata aku kau boleh nampak cinta aku untuk kau? Aku tidak pasti.Walaupun aku cinta kau, belum masa lagi untuk kita bersama.
"Simpan dahulu"

Kau membalas
"ok"

Akan tetapi aku cintakan kau, jadi
"Tapi jangankan biarkan dia hilang"

Kau membalas
"Tidak akan hilang sebelum ajal"

Sebak dalam dada.Mahu saja aku balas dengan mengatakan aku cintakan kau, tetapi
"Khabarkan semula bila yang lain sudah dilepaskan"

Kau membalas
"Dengan izin Allah s.w.t"

Kata cinta tak pernah aku ucapkan,
tapi aku pasti kau merasa.
Ibarat bayu malam yang tidak kelihatan,
tetapi belaiannya jelas terasa.

P/S: Setiap hari aku rindu kau.

Truthful Crime

2009-04-24T01:38:00.001-07:00

Pardon me, Sir.
For the truth I've spoken.
Unlocking the big solid door,
of a closet full of skeleton.

Pardon me,Sir.
For being honest.
Perhaps it's the way God created me,
to be naive and earnest.

Pardon me,Sir.
For being brave.
Brave enough to face the unpleasant truth,
although it may lead me to the grave.

Pardon me,Sir.
For not having the tongue of a snake.
That splits into two,
telling true stories that are fake.

Pardon me,Sir.
For not being deceitful.
I am a child who listens to her mother,
who's mother's word are always be honest and truthful.

Pardon me,Sir.
For being wise.
To be able to see the macabre and terror,
lead by the plain while lies.

Pardon me,Sir.
For not wanting to lie.
A coward, is not how I want to be remembered,
to be written on my tombstone the day I die.

Quote of the day #19

2009-04-24T01:14:00.000-07:00

"In giving advice,seek to help,not please,your friend."

Solon

Holy Oli!!

2009-04-23T00:31:00.000-07:00

Oli Sykes and ex-girlfriend SJ "I-like-to-pose-topless-to-show-my-big-fake-boobs" Whiteley

p/s:No, I do not wish that it was me instead of SJ although I am madly in love with Oli.

Oligasm

2009-04-18T20:43:00.000-07:00

Oliver Scott Sykes
He stabbed my chest with the knife of lust and made me reach orgasm.

Contrary

2009-04-18T12:21:00.001-07:00

She is not beautiful.
She was not born with natural beauty.
She is not stick thin.
She has cellulite all over her body.
She is not feminine.
She acts like a boy since she was a toddler.
She can't make him a hard with a simple touch.
She just don't know how to cause a boner.

Beautiful.
Thin.
Feminine.
Able to make him hard with a simple touch.

Those what he wants in a girl.
Those are the things she has to live without.

She wish that she can carve the criteria of his dream girl on her body and erase her imperfections.
She wish to be reborn just so she can be the girl of his expectations.
She wish she wont have to be angry at herself just because she have feelings for him.
She wish she wont have to hate herself just because she is in love with him.

p/s: pardon me for being so emotional lately. I looked in the mirror and saw a hideous monster. So I took the scissors and cut my hair short. Now I feel kinda pretty. Kinda. Not really.

Feeling all fucked up with an all fucked up haircut.

Quote of the Day #18

2009-04-15T13:58:00.000-07:00

"Death is only going to happen to you once, I don't want to miss it."

Jim Morrison

Remembering Friends

2009-04-13T04:00:00.000-07:00

Splendid it was
to see those beautiful eyes.

Amazing it was
to see your charming smile.

You bring joy to my life
although it was just for a while.

Broke my heart
when you say goodbye.

But I'm a big girl
so I wont cry.

I'll remember you, dear friend
until the day I die.

Quote of the day #17

2009-04-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

"What is a friend?
A single soul dwelling in two bodies."

Aristotle

I have a question for you Mr.President

2009-04-09T23:11:00.000-07:00

Why haven't you bring the troops home, Sir?

They've been in war zone for so long,you know.
You are indeed, the Commander in Chief.
Therefore, you can command them to come home in a blink of an eye the moment you stepped into that Oval Office.
So, what's taking you so long?

P/S: You did promise for a Change,Sir.

Dreams do come true

2009-04-09T16:43:00.000-07:00

"Thank you everyone! have a nice day!" and so she ended her show with a bow. Awesome. Fucking awesome. That was the best way to described it. It was her very first public performance. Before this she only performed in private family or college occasions. She felt great. Although she knew that people were going to say "No better than Yuna". But hey, screw them. She was not trying to be Yuna. So tell it to someone who cares. At least she tried her best. Even if she sucked, she sucked as herself. She didn't care. All she knew was that she really enjoyed herself.

So did her singing partner.

It was a duet actually. With one of her buddies, who was one talented guitarist. She asked if he wanted to perform with her as the lead guitarist and backing vocals while she played rhythm and sang. Well, you knew the answer. He agreed and there they were, done with their performance. They did covers of Avenged Sevenfold's "Dear God" and The Beatles' "With a little help from my friend".

So, how was it really?

"Yeah guys!! you rock!!!" yelled one of the audience. "I wanna be your boyfriend!" said a voice from the crowd. Both of them looked at each other and smiled. They felt great, really. Now, another performance was going on. Both of them were at the backstage, sipping their soft drink sponsored by the organizers, until she received a test message from one of their friends. "You guys were awesome!! but where the hell are you guys?". Then only they realized that their friends and her cousins were waiting outside.

So they began packing their stuff and guitars to get their hell out of there. "Aite, I'm done." she said. "You ready?" she asked. He seemed as if he was searching for something. Moved all over the place and searched every inch. "Dude? what's wrong?" she asked. He paused for a minute. Hands on his waist. "Uh, you go first. I'll be with you in a minute." and went back to the searching. "No, I'll help you. What are you looking for? Your phone?". He shook his head. "No, you go. Don't keep them waiting. I"ll be there. Okay?" he insisted. She nodded and walked out.

The crowd were quite big so it took her a few minutes to spot her friends and cousins. She saw them first and walked towards them. Halfway through, they saw her, waved excitedly and screamed her name. Everyone looked at them and threw an unpleasant glance but hell, since when do these people care? A wide grin appeared across her face. She was so please to see her friends and cousins all hyped up and happy. Thus, she increased her pace to join the fun until they shifted their view towards the stage with a surprised look on their faces. It was weird. There must be something really interesting going on stage. But, before she could turn her back to find out...

"This one is especially for you Girl"

She froze. She knew that voice. She knew it very well.

Then he began to play an intro of her "Dream Song". The "Dream Song" was the song she wished to be sang to her by someone she really loved.

Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time

He sang the first line. That officially paralyzed her. Now she really couldn't move any muscle. She became numb. All eyes were upon her. But she couldn't move. she couldn't think.

I found my place in the world. Could stare at your face, for the rest of my days

That got her to shiver. She was not sure why but she was shivering. Then she saw friends and cousins looking at her and the person singing on stage. All smiling and looking pleased. It was nice seeing them like that, but then her throat felt tight.

Still, she had not moved a step.

When I'm alone, time goes so slow.
I need you here with me.
All my mistakes, make your heart break.
Still I need you here with me.
So baby I'm, baby I'm here

Then,she couldn't hold it any longer. She turned to face the stage to look at him.

There he was, her singing partner. Up on the stage, singing the "Dream Song" for her. He looked at her with the most loving expression on his face. Something that said "I've fallen so deeply for you".

Warm and alive, I'm all over you.
Would you smother me?

Still, she couldn't do anything. She could just stare at him in disbelief.

Let me be the one who calls you baby. The one who calls you baby.

The song ended and it received the loudest applause from the crowd that evening. Then it went silent. Seriously, everyone went silent. It was unbelievable, a crowd of almost 100 people, all went silent. Just patiently waiting for what will happen next.

Will it be a happy ending where two lovers unite?
or
Will someone go home with a broken heart?

Her heart was thumping. Thumping harder than ever. She thought she could hear them thumped. For a few minutes, he looked at her from up the stage. Then he jumped off the stage and walked towards her. Along the way, everyone moved back to give way to him. He was like a royalty that day. Her heart thumped faster. Harder. It could have came out.

"Silly boy" was all she could say when he stopped right in front of her. He blinked, as if he couldn't believed what he just heard. "Yeah, I"m sorry" he said, looking down. "But that what makes you special..." she said. "baby" she added. He looked up at her in an instance and but his lips. There was a rush of euphoria in him. "You silly girl" he said. "That's why I love you" he added and pulled her close.

It was so pleasant. It was heavenly. The hugging and the singing. The singing of the "Dream Song" for her by the one she loved. By the one she secretly loved. Yes, she had been in love with him for quite a while. It took her almost a year to realize that she actually loved him and another few months for this to happened, for him to sang the "Dream Song" to her.

To be in his arms, she felt warm and alive. She wrapped her arms around him, rested her head on his chest with her eyes closed. She could feel his lips brushed against her hair. "I've love you all along" she whispered.

It was all to good to be true for her. It almost felt like she was dreaming. Except she wasn't. It was not a dream, it was a dream come true. It felt awesome. Fucking awesome.

"Dream Song"

Quote of the Day #16

2009-04-09T06:15:00.000-07:00

Music was more than a soundtrack - it was life-support machine from childhood through adolescence and into what was passing maturity.

Tony Parsons

Shots of Heroin through my ears

2009-04-08T18:30:00.000-07:00

Heroin = A chemical substance that induce an infinity amount of euphoria resulting one to have insatiable desire towards the substance.

Here are the list of songs that give me the same impact as having Heroin running through my veins. Songs that caught me by the ears the first moment I heard them. Like being shot with Heroine through my ears. It became addictive in an instance. Insatiable, I couldn't help wanting more and more.

1.Avenged Sevenfold - Crossroads

But I'm not you, I may not be perfect. But I've always been true

2.Marvelous 3 - Cigarette Lighter Love Song

All that I do, comes back to you. So I'll just think about you until there's nothing in my head

3.Bon Jovi - Blaze of Glory

They ask if I'll ever be a wise man? Well I asked if I'll grow old?

4.Joy Division - Leaders of Men

To twist the internees of hate, self induced manipulation.

5.Lostprophets - Everyday Combat

Walk on streets of fire.Caged in with razor wire.

Beautiful Pain

2009-04-07T22:41:00.000-07:00

It was a sunny afternoon. The newlyweds, well, not that new, they've been married for almost 6 months now, anyway, they were sitting on the 2 seated couch enjoying their afternoon. The husband was wearing only a pair of jeans with his guitar in his hands while the wife sat close to him,laying her head on his shoulder wearing her hot pants and t shirt while watching That 70st Show.
"I wish I have studied something else other than Marine Safety" he said all of a sudden. "Why honey?" asked the wife, eyes still fixed on the TV. "Well, if I had a degree in something else, then I wont have to do what I have to do now." he explained. She crooked her eyebrows, "what do you mean? I thought you like what you're doing" she asked. "Well, yeah, I do, but then, I have to be away for so long." Then, sighed and plucked the guitar strings and produced a mellow melody.

Being away. His job sure paid good, but he had to earn it by being away for quite a while. Today was actually the third day they spent together since he got a 3 weeks off after being offshore for almost 2 months. Although they had been married for almost 6 months, the amount of days they get to be together were merely 3 months.

The mellow melody he was playing represented his heart. That's what she loves about him. He played guitar with his heart. Now, he was playing the mellow melody, which meant he was feeling down,feeling mellow. She kissed his neck. She really love doing that. Not that long lingering kiss, but just one kiss. Like a kiss on the cheeks or forehead. But she did it on his neck. He looked at his wife and smiled. "Don't you miss me?" he asked. "You think?" she asked back. He made that pouty face. That cute pouty face. "I don't know" he said. That statement really made her laughed. "You don't know if I miss you sweetie?". He shrugged. "Yeah..kinda..you never seem sad or anything..". She turned down the volume of the TV although Fez was being really stupid on the show.

Then,she moved closer, hung her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. "You've never seen me sad because I'm so happy to be with you." she said. "Only God knows how much I miss you while you were away. I waited for your calls although I got nothing much to say. But it was heavenly to hear your voice. Sometimes, it made me cry every time you said you missed me. Because I missed you too. So much." She continued. He put down his guitar and hugged his wife. His beloved beautiful wife. "That is why I wish I could have done something else for a living. It hurts you as much as it hurts me to be away" he said and brushed his lips on his wife's forehead. "But those pain disappeared completely when you came home" she said softly. "Nothing else matters except to be with you" she added. "ouh,yes..nothing else matters.none" he agreed. Then he felt her arms tightened around him. "We wont have that kind of excitement if you weren't away." That sentence got him thinking. "I mean, since you have to be away most of the time, we tend to really appreciate the time we spend together. We treasure them. Simple things like having your arms around me at night, waking up beside you, laughing with you, having breakfast with you, just siting doing nothing with you, all those simple everyday things means a lot to me since I don't get to do it everyday." she said. "Since WE don't get to do it everyday" he corrected. "Sorry" she apologized. He accepted her apology with a smile.

"We appreciate each other more honey.Yes, it hurts. Being away from you, from someone I love so much, of course it hurts. The pain was unbearable." she said. "I"m sorry for causing you so much pain darling" he felt his throat tightened. "But it's a beautiful pain" she added and kissed his cheeks. "The pain we both felt. The pain of missing each other. The pain of longing for each other. The pain that bonded us. The pain that made us embrace each other even more." Now he couldn't hold back any longer. His vision went blurry since tears flooded his eyes. Never before he felt so loved. Never before had he heard such beautiful meaningful words. Never before he met someone so special. Never before he realize that he married an angel. "A beautiful pain indeed" he told his wife. She looked at him with a very cute worried expression on her face "ouh..honey..don't cry..". He laughed in his tears and cupped his wife cheeks "I love you beautiful..I really do..". She wiped away his tears with her thumb, kissed his lips and hugged him tight. "I love you too..and I always will..". She was right. Although being away from each other hurts so much, but without them, maybe they wont experience this magical feeling of loving each other, the magical feeling not everyone had. It was the pain for a good cause. It was the pain that brought them closer. It was the pain they both felt. It was indeed, a beautiful pain.

But I'm not you

2009-04-07T11:52:00.000-07:00

I'll listen, but I wont follow.

I wont.

For I have my own way.

I have my own life.

Pardon me for not taking your advices to a good use.

But I have plans.

My own plans for my own life.

I know you're gonna say "I told you so" when I fall.

Well, tell it to someone who cares.

Because I don't.

I fall and that is my lesson.

I'm hurt and that is my trophy.

All mine.

Thus, I am proud of it.

So pardon me,

I'll listen, but I wont follow.

For I want to be remember for who I am.

Not for who you want me to be.

"But I'm not you, I may not be perfect, but I've always been true."

M.Shadows

Kids nowdays are so unlucky

2009-04-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

Because they never get to watch this show.

I was the Yellow Ranger. How about you?

p/s: feeling old?

Something to laugh about

2009-04-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

There is this funny thing about me. I make a big deal out of small things. Say, I cry over a small cut. I laugh over a silly joke. I'm effected by a smallest move. I get pissed over a harmless prank. I'll be delighted over a simplest act of kindness.

Funny huh?

Heal me Raphael

2009-04-05T10:26:00.000-07:00

Raphael : Angel who performs all manner of Healing.

Dear God, I am in agony,please send Raphael to heal me.

Quote of the Day #15

2009-04-05T05:56:00.001-07:00

I wanna meet my maker in peace,
I wanna feel alive again.

M.Shadows

Next Stop

2009-04-04T13:18:00.000-07:00

The Birthplace of Great Music

A Rockstar Hang out

I'll pour all my blood, sweat, and tears to get there. Wait for me.

For every lost, there's a gain.

2009-04-02T09:35:00.000-07:00

The day was gloomy as the sky was grey. Was mother earth betraying her by hiding her beautiful sunlight? Or was She sad to see unhappy? Underneath the grey gloomy sky, stood three young adults in a triangular form. She stood facing two gentlemen. She looked at both of them. Examine them.

The guy on the right.
He was her best friend. Was. Long time ago. They shared almost everything together. All their darkest secrets and silliest stories. They were each others' backbone. One need the other to stand tall. They use to recite poems, tell stories,sang to each other and took an oath never to leave one another. He was her shoulder to cry on. His t-shirt was her tissue paper. Until one day, they fall for each other and she betrayed his trust. It was an accident, but it was unacceptable. She couldn't even forgive herself, what else him, the one who was betrayed. Thus, they fell apart. The oath was broken. They wasn't sure who left first, but they fell apart. And she gone through hell, alone. Only God knows how much she missed him. She was in agony. But she still waited for him and believed that they shall meet again someday.

Until she met him. The guy on the left.
He was the healer. She avoided him in the early days because she thought he will sooner or later he will leave her since she was a fucked up emo freak girl. But the more she avoided him, she closer he came. Until he caught her. Caught her and keep her safe and warm. Kissed away those pain. Wipe away those sorrow with his smile. Never make her feel alone although sometimes the distance between them were miles. He loved her, and she loved him. It had been going on and going strong for almost 3 years.

As she wished, her best friend came back.
Her long lost best friend.
Her best friend who left her in pain.
Her best friend who she missed like hell.
Her best friend who she waited in agony to come back.
Her long lost best friend who she fell in love with.
Now he stood right in front of her, beside the man who she thought will be the love of her life.

Those pair of tired eyes stared at those 2 men. There was a tiny part of her that said how lucky she was to have 2 men to love her. But a huge part of her said it was not as delightful. Because she was going to hurt one of them. One of the men who loved her. She looked at her long lost best friend. She remembered those eyes. Those big brown eyes with curly eyelashes. Then she shifted her view to her lover. He looked so casual and calm but she knew deep inside he was anxious. He had always been good at in. Hiding his true feelings. He smiled at her. She smiled back. He looked so pleased, which hurts her. "How can he be so pleased at me? I may going to hurt him."

Tears streamed down her cheeks.

She saw both of them made a movement to come forward but she raised her hand, signalling them to stop. To let her do this alone. "Don't cry girl. Please." said her long lost best friend. She laughed in her tears. "Same old..same old.." she thought. For that was the exact line that he used to stop her from crying back then. Her lover stared at her. "I love you little girl.." he said. She looked up to him. He smiled at her. It hurts her even more. "But I won't be selfish and force you to love me. I won't. But I know I'll still love you." She was choking hard and her hands were trembling.

It was time.
Time to decide.
It was now or never.
She wiped her tears, took a deep breath and took a step forward.

A step forward to the right.

She moved slowly towards her best friend. Her best friend who she had been waiting for so long. Her best friend who she fell in love with. Her lover for 3 years smiled. He looked at the love of his life walking towards another man with a smile on his face. Smiling in vain. Smiling in pain.

As she was so close to her best friend,
she stopped. Right in front of him. "Hey" he said. She looked at him and curled a smile. Then she swung her arms around him. She hugged him tight. She really do miss him. She had been waiting for this to happened for years. Now it did. Her wish was granted. She then let go of him. He smiled. She then tilted her head and kissed him on the forehead. "I miss you.." she said. "I miss you too" he replied. He was still holding on to her waist. She then pushed his hands away from her waist and held them. "But you left" she said, and that wiped the smile off his face. "and I remember you as my best friend. Thus, as a best friend I miss you as." She ended the sentence and turned her back on him.

Now she was walking towards the love of her life.

Her lover stared in disbelief. He really thought he lost her. But he didn't. She was walking towards him. Gracefully, beautifully, with a sweet smile on her face. He spread her arms and caught her. He hugged her as if she had been gone for so long. She closed her eyes, feeling to glad to be in his arms. She could ask for nothing more. "I thought I was going to lose you" he said, his voice choking. "I love you..I really do" she said. "You caught me, and now I can't escape" she added. She pulled away a little to make some space to kiss him. "And I like it that way" she said. "I shall hold you tight then" he said and took his girl's hand and walked away. There were cheerful smile on their faces. Smiles of love.

The grey shades in the sky vanished.
Replaces by the yellow shades of the sunlight.

The sunlight grew brighter along with their smiles.

Quote of the Day #14

2009-04-02T07:59:00.000-07:00

I've seen love come,
I've seen it shut down,
I've seen it die in vain.

Jon Bon Jovi

In Pure Denial

2009-04-02T06:59:00.000-07:00

I hate this song,
the song I sang with you.

I hate this shirt,
the shirt that belongs to you.

I hate this park,
the park we use to go to.

I hate this feeling,
the feeling of missing you.

Live for the day

2009-04-01T06:31:00.000-07:00

Every decisions we make, every actions we take, every words we speak, are indicated by one fact, the aftermath. How things will be in the future if those decision were made, if those actions were taken and if those words were spoken.

Think about the future

An overused phrase to restrain us from doing something that seem so wrong and barely done by a normal human being.

An overused phrase that I hate.

This phrase add the extra unnecessary conscious in us.
Unnecessary, yes.
We become too scared.
We become too careful.
We become too worry.
In the end,
We become too fucked up.

The Future.
Dark.
Uncertain.
Unknown.
Yet always being mapped out so well.
A map one is vowed to follow.

It's for your own good.

An overused phrase from the one who drew the map. The map towards a so called better future.

An overused phrase that I hate.

The Future.
Dark.
Uncertain.
Unknown.
What if there is no future?

What if the grim reaper come knocking at my door this very second?
Then the map that they have drawn for me will be wasted. Trashed. Just like the live I lived. Trashed. Because I didn't live for the life I was having. I was living for the future. The future I never have.

So once again,
what if there is no future?

Will there be no life if there is no future?
Can one live without thinking too much about the future?

Certainly.

The fun we have today, we may not have them again in the future. The pain we feel today, we may not feel them again in the future. The love we experience today, we may not experience them again in the future. The mistakes we make today, we may not make them again in the future.

For one will appreciate every single day they lived. One shall live life to the fullest. One shall live the for the present. Live for the day. Not for the future.

That's what I do.

The future is something I look forward to. The future is something I think about but at a moderate count. The future is something I hope for the best of it. But the future is the future. The future is just too dark. The future is just too uncertain. The future is unknown. And is best left being unknown until it is ready to reveal itself.

An organized party and a surprise party.
For many people, although not all, a surprise party is much more fun and enjoyable than an organized party. Because it is unexpected, it is a secret, it is a surprise.
That is the future. A surprise. A surprise wont be fun when it is expected and not a secret. So just leave the future the way it is. Let the future be a secret. Let the future be a surprise. It will be more fun that way.

Thus,
I decided to live for the present. Decide what I want, do what I favor, and speak what I feel. I live for today. By doing so, I shall have the best for both. The fun and adventure for the day as well as the surprise waiting for me in the future.So do not fear. There is nothing to be afraid of the future. It will turn out good. Don't be afraid to live.

When someone restrict me from doing something by saying
What about your future? Do you not care?
I shall look at them in the eyes and say
What about today? Do you not care?

Quote of the day #13

2009-03-31T08:05:00.000-07:00

Remember me, I'm your best friend. But we don't talk no more.

Dave McCabe

Quote of the Day #12

2009-03-28T18:10:00.000-07:00

It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.

Albus Dumbledore(J.K Rowling)

Earth Hour in Kuantan : A Failure

2009-03-28T07:40:00.000-07:00

One word
Sucks

In Kuantan that is.
What's up with these people?
Can't we just not be selfish for just ONE HOUR and devote ourselves to mother nature?
I was so looking forward to Earth Hour because a dear friend of mine from Sydney told me about the Earth Hour there.
It was amazing.
He told me that the city really was dark. All the lights on the city building were turned off. There is a famous Coke sign there which is always on, that sign got turned off during Earth Hour. Even the lights on Sydney's famous harbour bridge were turned off. He told me all this before the Malaysia Earth Hour. I was awed. I was picturing to see the city of Kuantan being dark. A very rare unimaginable scene. But I knew it was possible during Earth Hour.

But I was let down.
It didn't happened. I drove all the way to town during Earth Hour just to see the city of Kuantan in darkness. But it didn't happened. There were lights everywhere. I was hoping that at least the government buildings and the mall will be lights off. But hell no. It was so bright. Almost no lights were turned off.

I was dissapointed.
Because the people in my hometown care not about the environment. It was just one hour and the task was easy, turn off the lights. That's it. But it was a failure. A failure on such easy task. Because we are too selfish. It was just an hour. Can't we just see through the light of the moon for just one hour? Can't we just enjoy the shining star light for just one hour? Can't we just do the least we cand o for out mother nature? Well, from my point of view, we can't. What a shame.

Engine - Keeps the Heart Pumping,Music Rocking,And Love Bonding.(CHAPTER 12)

2009-03-25T15:53:00.001-07:00

Shitty first track

Every song I sing, I sing for you

John Denver

“I don’t know Jimmy, maybe we ought to scratch that part I added. It sucks!” complimented Helena. But the band members shook their head. “To be honest, the part I added makes no sense at all” Vic added. Helena sighed and pouted. Pogue steal a glance at her and smiled. “So cute” he thought. Jimmy somehow disagreed.

Earlier that day the band came into the studio for a rehearsal. Then, to their surprise, Jimmy bought a piece of paper with something he thought would be nice to share and could be Engine’s first track. The whole band thought it would be awesome and with Jimmy’s permission, each of them began adding a piece of their mind into the lyrics.

“Yeah Jimmy, I think this we should not sing” Pointed Add at the few lines he added. ‘It’s just plain shit”. Pogue merely said anything. He just shrugged. Jimmy looked at each of them, who wore the same depressing suckish expression on their faces. “Guys, shit or no shit, this is our song” said Jimmy. “Yeah, it may be suckish, but hell, tell it to someone who cares” demanded Jimmy.

Jimmy’s words sure swept away their doubts of playing that song. Smiles appeared across their faces. Vic agreed with Jimmy. “Yeah, as if the Beatles didn’t suck at first.” The spirit and enthusiasm grew inside each of them. Pogue grabbed his bass guitar and said “Lets jamm to out first shitty track”. So there they were, rehearsing to their shitty first track. All Hail Sir Caffeine.

All Hail Sir Caffeine

Staring blankly at the TV
With my tired eyes
Heart is still throbbing
After so many sobbing
Didn’t eat but I threw out
Not sure how long I’ve stayed up

But,
No way I’m calling a night
No way I’m getting my eyes shut

Chorus:
All Hail Sir Caffeine
You drew a thin line between me and my dreams
All Hail Sir Caffeine
You keep me awake
So I don’t have to wake up with salty tears on my face

Plug in the headphones
Turn up the volume
Rock to the heavy metal
Scream of devastation fill my room
Look up at the midnight sky
The colour bloody damn dark
My blood is icy cold
Cold like fuck

But,
No way I'm calling a night
No way I getting my eyes shut

Chorus

Bridge:
Sir Caffeine
Do not leave my side
She comes to my dream each and every night
Now that cuts deep, I love her like fuck
I can’t handle the excruciating pain
I don’t have the bloody might

Chorus till end

By the end of the song, silence filled the studio. All 5 of them had this unbelievable look on their face. Pogue turned to look at Helena. This time, she didn’t look away. She looked directly at him. Their eyes met. Pogue couldn’t help but to feel sorry, to feel guilty. He knew a part of that song explained how she felt. That look she casted upon him, was so full of love, yet so full of sorrow.

Add sat on the amp, he felt heavy at heart. He lifted his t shirt sleeve and looked at the wound. It had been a few days but the wound still looked fresh. Red and horrifying. But it was nothing compare to the wound he had inside. If those wounds can be made visible, it will be much more terrible than the one he had on his arms. Right now, he could feel those wounds inside throbbing.

From behind the drum set, he could feel the connection between Pogue and Helena. He stared at Helena, her eyes had so much love for Pogue. How he longed her to look at him like that, but he knew that was not going to happen. He was after all, just a friend.

Vic was still grabbing the microphone, his eyes stared at the blank walls. His clench were tight and his jaws tightened. There was some kind of fury filled his heart. Some kind of angst.

“Wasn’t that bad, was it?” Jimmy broke the silence. Everyone turned to look at him. Add smiled and nodded. “Yeah, it was okay. Really.” said Vic. Pogue snorted “We have a song. Damn. Wicked.” Helena sat crossed legs on the floor. “That really was our song” she said and emphasized on the word “our”. “We sang our heart out”. The others looked at her. “True” Add agreed. “Very true indeed” said Jimmy.

Vic walked to the back of the studio to get his bottle of beer. He looked at the shirtless Pogue and saw something different about him. He scanned Pogue from top to bottom to figure out the difference. His eyes then locked at Pogue’s lower abs. His eyes locked and there was a smile across his face. Pogue then realized that Vic had this weird smile on his face and was looking at the part where he thought he was not suppose to. “What the hell are you looking at dude?” he asked and spanked Vic’s head.“Dude, I never knew you were interested in cocks” Pogue said. Add eyes widened, he was not sure whether or not to laugh. Helena crooked her eyebrows and looked at Vic. “What the fuck?” was all Jimmy could say.

“I don’t like cocks dickhead!” said Vic. “Then why were you staring at mine?” asked Pogue. “And you had that really weird smile.” Vic laughed and said “Like hell I was staring at your cock. I was looking at that.” Pointed Vic at a new tattoo on Pogue’s lower abs. Now all eyes were on them. “Oh..” said Pogue followed by a wryly laugh. “That thing..right..” Vic smiled and spanked Pogue's head. “Yeah dickhead, I was looking at that.”
Jimmy got on his feet and walked towards Pogue to get a closer view of the new tattoo. “Awesome. When did you get that?”
“2 days ago. At Paul’s” answered Pogue. Then, Add and Helena joined the others to look at the new tattoo. “Nice” said Add.

Helena moved forward. Closer to Pogue. Close. Really close. She stood right in front of him and looked down at the tattoo. “It is beautiful” she said slowly. Almost like she was whispering. Pogue stood still. He didn’t move a muscle except his lips. He bit them. Helena then brushed her small, cold fingers through the tattoo. Pogue almost lost his breath. “Holy shit” he cursed under his breath. He had that feeling once again. That feeling he had that night when he was with her. The feeling of wanting to kiss her. The feeling of longing for her. The feeling of guilty pleasure. She kept on moving her fingers through his abs until, as much as he didn’t want to, he pushed her hands away slowly.

She then looked up to him with her big brown eyes. Pogue, who was still biting his lips were speechless. "Don't look at me like that girl" he thought. He was trying his best to stood still and not touch her. That look she gave him, weakened him. It was like Superman being near Kryptonite.“It truly describes you” said Helena. She then took a few steps backward and with that, Pogue can breath once again. Yes, the new tattoo undoubtedly describes Pogue. The best description of him. Now permanently tattooed on his lower abs. It says THE SON OF RAGE AND LOVE.

Quote of the Day #11

2009-03-23T03:46:00.000-07:00

Existence.
Well, what does it matter?
I exist on the best term as I can.
The past is now a part of my future.
The present is well out of hand.

Ian Curtis

Voices #2

2009-03-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

The very next day, he stood at the usual staircase. He had sleepless night because of the incident the other day. The Pepsi incident. He really felt like shit. Spilled a whole can of Pepsi on a girl. Come on! That was the shittiest thing that he ever did. it probably wont feel so bad if it was a guy. But it was a girl! And she said nothing of it. Not a complain about her hair being out of place. Out her clothes soaked in Pepsi. Most girls would have shrieked even when a little bit of tomato ketchup spilled on their designer's clothes. But she was soaked in a whole can of Pepsi and she still managed to smile. For that, he bore an ultimate guilt an embarrassment.

It had been almost 15 minutes. He was restless. Left foot were tapping and uncountable amount of cigarette has been burnt. He wanted to see that girl but he didn't have the slightest idea what to say or do. His eyes scanned through the crowds and stopped at the end of the hallway. His views narrowed to her. He was with a few other girls. Could be her classmates. Then he saw them wave goodbye at her and she walked towards the stairs. "Sex pistols. heh" he was referring tot he t shirt that girl was wearing. As she drew closer,he could feel this excitement and eagerness yet at the same time the guilt and embarrassment grew deeper. "Still can run" he thought and sucked his cigarette deeper than ever. He then shook his head "Cut off your dick if you run. Don't be a pussy." he convinced himself.

So there she was. About time. She was just about to sit the stairs when she saw him. He suddenly felt the chill down his spines and froze. He couldn't even blink. They look at each other for a few minutes. She then cut the awkward session by smiling politely and wave her hands at him. The warm smile melted the invincible ice that covered him a few minutes ago. He could finally breath and, well, feel alive again. He returned her smile. "hey you" he greeted her, who was already sitting. She tilted her neck to look at him. He looked straight at her. "She have big eyes" he thought. "uh, you mind if I sit here?" she shook her head and moved her bag to give him some space. "Thanks" he said and sit beside her. There was a moment a silent since he really had no idea what to say. He felt really weird and totally awkward. He was not sure why. It's not that she never sat beside a girl before. Hell no. This guy was born to mingle with girls. But this time, this girl, whom he was sitting beside, whom he spilled Pepsi on, brought awkwardness along with her. But to his surprise she appeared all relax and comfortable. His knees were shaking and his palms were sweating. But she, on the other hand, seem just fine. She was either really cool with his presence or she is excellent at hiding her emotions. He looked at her. Not a single movement of uncomfortable, nervousness, nothing. It was like, she really didn't mind his presence. She just sat there, looking very relax reading To Kill a Mockingbird.

"Whoa, hold on. A novel? What happened to her little black book?" he wondered. He really was hoping that she would start the conversation but his hope was slim. So, in order to kill the silence, he ought to talk. "Hey, uh, I want to apologize about yesterday, I was just chilling here then one of my stupid friend yelled to me out of nowhere.I got shocked and dropped the Pepsi.and..you know...." he realized that he was out of words but saw he giggling slowly. Almost soundlessly. She closed her book and turned to face him. She just looked him and giggled. Again, very very slowly. He could just see her expression but couldn't hear any sound. She was giggling, but very very slowly, perhaps soundlessly. "I'm really sorry" he said. She nodded and giggled at the same time. Then he couldn't help himself but to join the club. He burst into a small laughter. "So, you're not angry with me?" he asked. She tapped his shoulder and shook her head. "Thanks. Very kind of you" he said. He sighed of relief and she continued with her reading. "Where is that little black book?" he wondered. Did she keep it since he was around? Did she not want to expose the book with a presence of a soul other than hers?

He was just about to utter a question regarding that little black book when she shoved the novel into her bag and stood up. he tapped her right hand index finger onto her left wrist indicating it was time for something. Another class perhaps. "Ouh, yeah, ok. I guess I'll see you later then." She nodded and waved at him. He waved back. He then look at his watch and realized that he too needed to attend a class. So, he got up lazily on his feet, lit up a cigarette and walked to class. "She didn't tell me her name" he thought as he was walking.

Once again, I was bored so my imaginations run wild.

Can't spell gangster without angst

2009-03-21T14:35:00.000-07:00

The thing that is standing in between you and my angst,
is me.
I make sure that my angst is a the back.
You make sure it wont get to the front.
Because when it does,
it gets out of control.
Like releasing a matador to a gladiator.
Shameless. Senseless. Fearless.
Unstoppable at any condition.
Out of hand.
Out of my hand.
What else yours.
Rationality. Morality. Sympathy.
All brought down by the almighty angst.
No point begging for mercy at this point.
No use crying out for help at this time.
Thus, make sure the thing you're yelling in front of you is me.
Not my angst.

Suicide

2009-03-21T01:01:00.000-07:00

It is a statement
A note to others
to be taken seriously
deadly serious

death defines the extream
the amount of infinity
love to death, love to infinity
scared to death, scared to infinity

to show epilepsy took away his hope
Ian hung himself on a rope
No one knew he was suffering
Until they saw him hanging

That was a statement
That was a silent scream
That was the obviously unseen
That was suicide

Quote of the day #10

2009-03-20T12:41:00.000-07:00

The world is not thy friend

William Shakespeare

Quote of the day #9

2009-03-15T02:20:00.000-07:00

Should I never look into your eyes again?
Should I never want to make the call?
Should I never need you like my only friend?
Should I read the writings on the wall?

Steven Strait

Dearest N,
hope you're reading this.
this one is for you.

Voices

2009-03-12T08:56:00.000-07:00

There he stood at the corridor facing the college's cafeteria with his old best friend, the cigarette and a few other friends around him. His friends were talking about their last hang out and the hot girls they met along the way. He was teased for being eyed the most. He just snorted and didn't pay much attention to them. Not that he was bored or being rude, it's just that he was busy. Busy figuring out someone.

That girl over there. On the stairs. In her baju kurung and adidas skate shoes. Her hair a little our of place as usual and she had this little black notebook with her. Which from his observation, she carried all the time. The first time he saw her was when the semester started. At that same stairs, he and his friends used to get to class and saw her sitting there, listening to her MP3 player and writing in her little black book.

He took another puff of his cigarette and continued examining the girl. She was so into writing. She'll be either writing or reading in that book for almost all the time. It was as if that book was her only friend.

They've bumped into each other a few times but never really talked to each other. Once at the boutique where the girl bought an Ian Curtis t-shirt.
"You like Joy Division?" he asked.
She answered with a nod and smiled. Then she walked out of the store. He watched her walk away. "cool" he thought.

Another puff, he took. The curiosity grew deeper by the second. "I have to go check out what's in that book". he put out a cigarette and abandoned his friends. "Where are you going man?" asked one of them. "Somewhere" he answered and headed to the stairs. As he drew closer, he got a closer look at her. She didn't look up to see him. She was so into that little black book. He stopped at the soft drink machine nearby to get catch a clearer view. He wasn't really thirsty but he added coins into the machine anyway. To make it a little less obvious. He did get a clearer view. She appeared to be a little different. A little hardcore. Well, the way she dressed. Baju kurung and skateshoes. Damn. And wrist occupied with bangles. He took a look at her bag. Pinned with badges. Then he shifted his view to her face. She was kinda fair and had this layered long black hair. He smiled. "Not bad.heh".

"You gonna buy that drink or not?" said a voice from behind him. He looked at that guy behind him and pressed the Pepsi button. He then walked up the stairs and stopped halfway. All of a sudden she looked at him with her big dark brown eyes. It was the first time he had a good look at her face. Her facial expression showed no signs of "i want to be alone" or "this stairs belongs to me". She just looked blankly at him. Maybe she was smiling a little bit. "Uh, waiting for a friend" he said. She nodded and smiled at him. He smiled back. She then got back to "work".

Now that he was so close, the hope to catch a glimpse of the content of the little black notebook skyrocketed. Since she was sitting at the left side of the stairs, he moved slowly, soundlessly, carefully to the left until "Dude!!" yelled a friend of his from above the stairs. He was shocked and dropped the can of Pepsi. Yeah, she had a Pepsi bath that day. But somehow, her notebook was safe. Not a drop of Pepsi on it. "Fuck!" he raced down the stairs. "Hey, uh..sorry..damn..you're all wet". She wiped the Pepsi using a tissue, which seem not to have any effect on the cleaning. He crooked his eyebrows. "I'm really sorry". He looked at him straight into his eyes and nodded. "I'm sorry" he repeated. She nodded and smiled, again. This time she even held his shoulder. He felt terrible for what happened. "Do you want me to send you home?" he offered. She shook her head. "Are you sure?". She nodded. A few minutes later, she waved her hand and disappeared into the crowds.

"Dude, what the hell were you doing just now?" asked his friends. He looked at his friends and crooked his eyebrows. He too walked away. Along the way, he realized something. That girl didn't utter a word.

Just a little piece of my extream imagination. It gets worst when I'm bored.

One ouf ot the millions reason why my Mama deserves the Best Mother Award

2009-03-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

Beepbeep....beepbeep....(sound of phone ringing)

Friend : Yeah?
Sucker : Dude!!
Friend : Sup?
Sucker : Dude I wanna cry!!!
Friend : The hell?? What happened??
Sucker : (moans like hell)
Friend : Cut it out. What happened?
Sucker : I went to send my brother's clothes to grandma's place
Friend : You drove?
Sucker : Yeah.
Friend : I thought your driving test is next week.
Sucker : Uh..yeah..
Friend : sigh..yeah..so??
Sucker : And then..when I got home..I wanted to park the car..and then..
Friend : You got into an accident?
Sucker : .........
Friend : How so?
Sucker : Bang the gate
Friend : Was it bad?
Sucker : Bumper and lights were damaged.
Friend : *giggles*
Sucker : Shut up
Friend : *still giggling*
Sucker : I need you to take me to the bank
Friend : *stop giggling* Mum wants you to pay?
Sucker : No. but it was me who caused the damage. So I ought to be responsible
Friend : Yeah, ok. Be there in about 15 minutes.

Terror, guilt, foolishness, shame left no hole in me after the incident. I was terrified to get outside my room. Afraid. Afraid to face the truth that I screw up. Afraid to face the punishment. But then I couldn't hide forever. My bloody stomach grumbled. Like it or not, I have to go out.

Opened door slowly. Walk slowly towards the fridge. Saw Mama from the corner of the eyes. Took a yogurt and sat in the living room. Watched tv. Then saw Mama walking towards me. Heart beat faster. Blood gets hotter. Was expecting some kind of sharp choking words to kill me from the inside. To tear up the wound of guilt that was growing bigger by the second.

Mama : When's your driving test? (she asked in a casual tone)
Sucker : (felt a bit relieved. but wasn't completely) Uh, somewhere around next week.
Mama : How are you going to pass the test if you can't even get through the gate?? (laughed)
Sucker : hehe..Test is different. This is different Ma.(felt better)

Then mama went back to her laptop. Boy, was I relieved. A few minutes later my friend came. He stopped by a little while to check out the damaged done by me.

Friend : Whoa
Sucker : yeah..whoa
Friend : Phew
Sucker : Lets get to the bank

In the car

Friend : Mama mad at you?
Sucker : *crooked eyebrows.* I'm not sure
Friend : How come?
Sucker : Yeah. I mean, she never really complained. She didn't actually. After I bang the car, all she asked was when is my test and joked about me not passing the test because I couldn't even get through the gate. She didn't even give any look or frown at me.
Friend : ouh..k..
Sucker : So, I'm not sure if she's mad at me.
Friend : My mum would have make it one hell of a big deal.
Sucker : Actually, it is a big deal. That's gonna cost hundreds.
Friend : Yeah. But your mum can act like it was nothing. It's either she's filthy rich or she's just cool.
Sucker : If she's filthy rich I wont feel too bad.
Friend : She's just cool. *grins*

Reached the bank. Took out some money. Yeah, some. Then called Mama asking she was. She said she was at the workshop. So we went there.

At the workshop. Entered this sort of office, where my Mama sat with my uncle across the owner of the workshop I reckon.

Sucker : *entered the office* Hye ma.
Workshop owner : I suppose you are the one who hits the gate.

Everyone laughed. I just smiled.

Sucker : here you go Ma
Mama : What's this?
Sucker : Some cash.
Mama : I know, for what?
Sucker : Bumper and lights.

Quickly walked out of the office and went straight into the car.

Friend : Done?
Sucker : yeah
Friend : Where to next?
Sucker : Dunno

Then saw Mama and uncle coming towards the car.

Mama : Hey. can you please send us home?
Friend : Yeah, sure. No problem.

When we reached home

Sucker : Dude, hold up, want to get some cash.
Mama : Do you have any?
Sucker : Yeah. Left them inside my room.
Mama : *handed me the cash I gave earlier*
Sucker : Nah..I have some more left. You use that for the car.
Mama : Take it. I'll ask some from you if I don't have enough money for the car later.
Sucker : *choking* Yeah, ok Ma. *got into the car*

Was quiet along the way.

Friend : Hey
Sucker : *nods*
Friend : Mama said something?
Sucker : *shook head*
Friend : Then?
Sucker : She return my money.
Friend : Well, that's good. Isn't it.
Sucker : Partly.
Friend : Why?
Sucker : *sigh*
Friend : What is there to be upset about? Mama's not mad, you got your money back. Happy ending, isn't it?
Sucker : This is the greatest guilt I ever bear.
Friend : Mama forgive you. I'm sure she does.
Sucker : It's the greatest guilt because I am pardoned without punishment when it is crystal clear I'm guilty.

The best thing about my mother is, she never let her anger gets in her way. She's always so cool and believe in second chances. My Mama rocks. hell yeah!

Blending in

2009-03-09T12:18:00.000-07:00

So,

I can blend in

If, I can make them comfortable with me

Although I was not comfortable with myself

So,

go to hell

I wont bother "blending in" then.

It's all about mentality

2009-03-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

Learning Maths and Science in English has got nothing to do with our patriotism, loyalty and respect towards our mother tongue, that is Bahasa Melayu. It is just a matter of learning something new, something better and something that is needed in the development of oneself and the country.

Pardon me but I suppose it is just the nature of most Malays to linger in the so called comfort zone and not allowing something new to evolve around them although it's for the better. Oh sorry, I should have use the word "us" not "them". For I too am a Malay.

Once again, my apologies but as I can see, the idea of learning Maths and Science in English is rejected mostly by those people who live in rural areas. People with lack of English speaking experience and with the mindset of English as "bahasa penjajah".

These people who have this thing against English find it hard for them to cope with what their children are learning in school for they know so little about English, thus, they see teaching Maths and Science in English as a burden. With that, they want the idea to be diminished for the best.

Who's best?
The children s' best?
or the parents' best?

Now, lets look at the situation.
Who voiced out the issue of downgrading Bahasa Melayu? Was it the parents or the students?

As far as I'm concern,
the students has nothing against it. Proof? The public examination results. The results still shows improvement although Maths ans Science subjects are being taught in English. So, this means that the students has nothing against it.

Well, it is clear that diminishing the method of learning Maths and Science in English is for the best of the parents. Just because they were not educated with English, they want their children to go through the same thing they did. In short, they don't want their children to be smart. Because they are not.

Thus, they use the downgrading Bahasa Melayu issue to stop their children from learning new things.

Look, my mother taught me to speak English since I was born. I've been speaking English for almost 18 years but I never even downgrade or disrespect my mother tongue. I can speak and write very well in Bahasa Melayu. My mother is an English lecturer yet she writes beautiful Malay poetries. So whoever that said those who speak English is downgrading Bahasa Melayu is so wrong. Because we never did. Just because you don't understand English, you accuse us of being non patriotic.

I appreciate your patriotism and concern about our language but then, it you are really patriotic, then you will think what is best for your country, not for your own self.

To me, those who can speak, understand, and learn English or any other language is not downgrading Bahasa Melayu. Because we never thought of it that way. But those who came up with the idea that people are downgrading Bahasa Melayu, they themselves are downgrading the language since they thought of it.

Face it, learning Maths and Science in English has got nothing to do with non patriotism or downgrading Bahasa Malayu.
None.
Nothing at all.

If you think we are downgrading the language, then it is you who's downgrading the language.

Your mentality says it all.

Quote of the day #8

2009-03-09T00:13:00.000-07:00

Aku menulis bukan kerna nama

Ramli Sarip

Nature's Gift

2009-03-08T06:22:00.000-07:00

It was dark. But wasn't unseen.
It was quiet. But wasn't unheard.
That's the magic of nature.

See using the lights from the moon and stars.
Listen to the music mother nature composed.
Feel the heat from the ray of the sun.
Caress by the soft lingering breeze.

I longed for nothing more.

First manicure and padicure

2009-03-07T22:33:00.000-08:00

With this first time, comes a few other first times.

- First time entering a spa
- First time getting my feet soaked in hot water
- First time reading Marie Claire
- First time having my legs scrubbed(it tickles like hell)
- First time having my cuticles removed
- First time seeing my toenails shone(i could see my reflection. seriously)
- First time seeing my fingernails shaped so nicely
- First time having other people to cut my nails off
- First time feeling like a girl

Quote of the day #7

2009-03-07T13:08:00.000-08:00

I stood up although standing was hard

Street Fighter : The legend of Chun Li

Crowded

2009-03-07T12:52:00.000-08:00

Too many people.

Too many souls.

I just lost mine in the crowds.

Fuck.

I see stars

2009-03-07T12:42:00.000-08:00

I love looking at stars

because they bring light to the darkest night

shine them with life

I love talking to stars

because they keep shining upon me although I was reciting the darkest secrets

shine me with life

Offering

2009-03-07T12:04:00.000-08:00

I told them what I got to offer

They accepted it

But then, after that they demanded for more

Why the hell did they accept the offer in the first place?

Fucking hell.

This seem interesting

2009-03-02T20:46:00.000-08:00

And I was bored. Resulting me to answer this tag although I wasn't tagged. *grins*

Rules: The rules are simple. Use Google Image
to search the answers to the questions below. Then you must choose a picture in the first page of the results, and post it as your answer. After that tag 6 people.

But, since I am a sucker at following rules, I use Deviantart instead for they provide much better images.

I am

Self-proclaimed rockstar

I really want to go to

City of Angel. Los Angeles, California

My favourite place

Teluk Chempedak, Kuantan

My favourite thing

A pair of an old torn jeans which I wore 6 times a week

My favourite drink

Black coffee swimming with soul awakening caffeine

My favourite food(s)

Who doesn't love chocolates??

and also

Music. Feeds my soul

My favourite colour

I will have purple hair. Someday

I live in

City of Evil with Avenged Sevenfold

I was born in

A world of headbanging rock music

I attend

Rock and Roll high school

My favourite show(s)

Sakuragi-kun!!

as well as

The Beatles Help! movie

This is my hobby

Write crap

along with

Scream and go nuts

I definitely wish for

A boyfriend who looks like him

plus

Joe Satriani.A guitar lesson from him

Say your prayers, you've been tagged.*evil laughs*
- Mama
- Shad
- Aliah
- Dinie
- Engku Amin
- Kak Pya

Do you feel my heart beating?

2009-03-02T00:20:00.000-08:00

I can't get enough of this song.

Eternal Flame - The Bangles

Say my name,
Sunshine through the rain.
My whole life, so lonely.
And then you come and ease the pain.
I don't wanna lose this feeling.

Do you feel my heart beating?
Do you understand?

Quote of the day #6

2009-03-01T22:07:00.000-08:00

You're crying out louder, louder. So nobody can hear my scream.

Jimmy "The Reverent Tholomew Plague" Sullivan

Family

2009-03-01T21:56:00.000-08:00

In a family, each of us have to cope with each others gifts and flaws. Some may disgust what the other desire. Some may love what the other hate. but those desires, disgusts, hates, and loves are overcome by one fact, we have the same blood running through out veins. Thus, we pour unconditional love towards each other. Unconditional, I say, means no matter what. Ugly or beautiful, big or small, filthy or spotless, diabolic or angelic, we still love each other. Love each other to death. Because we are Family.

Quote of the Day #5

2009-02-23T18:19:00.000-08:00

Learn from mistakes. But never make them.

Gabriel(movie)